Shut Up & Swallow

So I got rather bored and remembered a conversation I was having with Adam last night, where he wanted me to join him in bullying Dan. If I wanted to bully Dan I'm more than capable to do it on my own. And then I was going through my MySpace messages and came across the messages that kicked it all off a year and a half ago. God, has it really been that long?
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today iv been thinking about what i said, almost all day. Its been going through my mind. In some ways im shocked it came out the way it did, but i really did mean every single word. and i know deep down for a fact that what i said last night, i wont ever say it to another person again.
id do anything to make u happy, and when u r down id always want to be there to give you a hug and make u smile again. And if u just wanted someone to fight with, id be that person too, and i wouldnt dislike u for it, cos i do think ur special and i know i wont ever meet another girl like u again, thats something iv realised.
Last night i was almost trying to fight it back at the start, not wanting it to completely come out cos i thought it would be wrong to. But after it came it just felt completely right. thats the thing with u, everything feels right for me. like its the way it should be, if its me opening up last night or just us hanging out together, it just gives me a good feeling, and iv never felt that.
When i look back at the few times we have disagreed strongly on something, at the time i had never felt so bad about having an argument with someone.(even if it was just a mini one) it was like i shudnt be doing that, it shudnt be happening. And like i said last night if things were different, and we were together nothing else would ever matter, silly mini arguments like that about MJ or other stuff , i wouldnt even care about the topics, cos id never want 2 lose u, ud just be my everything.
When i was younger, a few years ago.. i was always hoping id meet someone special, always hoping id feel right about someone, deep down. and id never force it on myself, because thats the wrong way. If its ment to feel right, it will by itself. And you are just everything i could ever want to love. If i was with u, my feelings on stuff would change, id be positive and always look to the future and always want to do well, and knowing id have u would just be the best feeling.
Iv been meanin to let that out all day, i thought it was best to send it in a message, that way if u want to ask anything, add anything, talk about anything, u can reply, if you feel you cant, or need time to get ur head round what iv said, then its ok.
To me this way though a message, its abit less overwhelming for you. and theres insnt a need for an automatic reply like on msn. I always think about ur feelings first, before letting mine out.
xxx
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its killing me now.
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well, i feel bad for feeling the way i did earliar.
the thing is, i do have feelings for you, as u already know. it wont ruin our friendship cos as u also know, i wudnt try anything on while u werent single and i wudnt want to. and today my mind was alot clearer etc. knowing how u took how i felt and that ud eventually reply, i respect that loads. its just, i feel as though.. like, if i reach 80 years old, and i havent fully loved someone special, who id never lose.. ill be unhappy, and im not forcing it on, at all.. but with u i get like feelings as tho ur the one, almost. when i browse, i look for a girl like u, when i imagine a perfect life, with a family, i think of it with someone like u. sorry if this is not making sense im really struggling to word it together. and earliar like when u said how things were good with gav, half of me thought "good, i want her to be happy" and the other half sank. i just felt abit iffy and as tho i was the one who could make u fully happy. and please do correct me if im wrong on this, but going by my memory, u at one point said "iv always wanted a guy like u" or something along those lines, and if u were single, id be ur type and stuff. and im glad u told me that, but thinking about it makes me think something isnt right, like it shudnt be the way it is now. cos 2 me ur perfect. and i know u may think u have ur faults, like having arguments with someone close, but id rather be wiv u when u have those faults than anywhere in this world.
making u smile, making u feel loved, making u happy, it would just almost complete me.
sorry for all of this.
reply back if u want.
whenever u feel u can.
xxx
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thankyou so much for ur reply, it ment alot.
when you say about dismissing a girl cos shes not like u , thats not how it is, because u r my type completely. my last gfs have been people simular to how i am, who i can be close to. But comparing them 2 u, its no competetion. If i met a girl, and everything went well, thats great.. but i know i wont love her as much i could love you. i know that within my heart.

i know its alot of what ifs.. but its just like when uv said b4, how if u had known gav had cheated on a girl or two (cant remember how many u said it was) you wouldnt of gone out with him. Mena id never ever cheat on anyone i was with, to me its the ultimate disrespect. id never ever talk about stuff that i know upsets u if we were togther, You have so many morals, and the person u are, most girls only wish they could be. All my life iv always wanted to do the right thing, and iv always been honest, hate lying. Always give people me, never be two faced or false. Never try to fit in with things if it wasnt me. My mum, she connected with u so well, shes never been like that with any other girl. you urself said 2 me ud connected better wiv my mum that day then u have wiv gavs at all. its just, your my type, im ur type, ull always be my type. ill just have to live with second best.

Your everything in a girl i could honestly want, and i know it cant happen, but ill always feel the same about u, forever.
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i am open to the possibility, but i know it wont happen. id bet my life on it, im that sure. when i first saw u on browse, i didnt add anyone else that night, but when i saw ur picture, i even had like a feeling then, that i had to contact you. When we are messing around on msn and im away for a while u click my convo box, and i say "back" at the exact same time, its like that.

if u had found me earliar this year, words wudnt be able to honestly describe the way id be. just imagining it now, you.. finding me.. messaging me... then being mine, and having a future, being the person to see u in the mornings, last thing at night..

this is gonna sound harsh, but ill never forget when he told me he asks himself if hes right 4 u. someone who is ur type shouldnt be asking themselves that. if i was him id know in my heart, more than anything in this world, id know like how u know about him even, that ud be my type.
i dont want this 2 upset u, because the thought of u being upset or even crying, it makes me want to do the same. so ill stop now. hopefully it hasnt ruined a friendship with the most amazing, true, special person i could meet. Mena, what we could of had, it just would of been everything to me and more. and to me thats not a what if, its an "i know".
I guess starting from 2moro, we act as normal, if thats how it is, thats how u want it, thats the way its gonna be, but mena ud just be the person id want to share moment with. i cant tell u how i feel anymore than what i have done recently, i feel as tho theres more but i cant word it. ill go 2 bed tonight, thinking of u and everything uv said, and 2moro i guess is a new day.

youd be my strength when i was weak,
ud be my hope, when all hope was gone,
ud be my love.. when i had nothing left.
the future if i was u, wud be a dream, when i wasnt even sleeping.

everything iv said 2 u is from the heart, and if i had ur love, id never let it go.
thanks for reading.
xxx
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Straight from the horse's mouth, no pun intended.

We were both quite stupid back then, I'm cringing at some of the things I said. I let go and forgave him for trying to make me feel the same about him as he did with me, for throwing everything I told him in confidence back in my face, for trying to convince me I would never be happy with Gav (whom I have just celebrated a three year anniversary with) quite some time ago, but when I discovered he and Adam still go on about it I felt it was time for one final act.

Mena

Oh, I got another haircut but I didn't take pictures so balls to you.

Off to Egypt, brb!

I got a haircut.



I'm as attentive as ever.

So recently there's something about my boobs that have made people stare relentlessly at them. They barely exist so I don't know exactly why they would stare, but they do.

Thursday I was on a bus with some of my friends; they occupied the back row, and I sat in front of them. This hairy old man gets on, passes about 20 free seats, comes to the back and sits next to me, while I was gorging myself on a triple chocolate sundae (yum!). I can only imagine he was senile because he wasn't exactly being very discreet about where he was looking, and I got poked fun of by Ben and Naj, who said he fancied me Thank fuck he got off the bus before we did, he might've expected me to climb over his lap to get off. Or get him off. Whichever you fancy.

Yesterday I had these two men sat beside me on the train that were actually leaning over to take a good look, under the pretence that they were checking the map. My coat went straight up, and it didn't help that two other guys were following me on the train.

Aaaand on Wednesday I got hit on on the train. I tried my best to ignore it but this guy kept waving his hand in front of me, and it was getting closer to my face, so I had to say something to make him go away. The hot weather seems to make everyone go crazy!

I went around Naj's place last week to do some revision, and much revision was done in between eating and pissing around talking about random crap. I got bored on one of the mornings and took a load of random pictures to kill some time before I had to leave.





On Thursday I had an exam (which is why I was on a bus. I usually try to avoid buses, they make me sick but there was no other way to get to the venue) which went pretty well. The questions were amazing, but I hadn't done a lot of revision. I'm sure I did well enough to pass the course, but how well I don’t know. I guess it's not a very good sign that I finished a 3 hour exam in half the time. But I wasn't the only one, so either pretty much everyone failed, or it really was that easy. People have been calling me crazy because I've been talking to my lecturer about how the exam went. I felt he had a right to know, he wrote it after all! After the exam we all decided to relax a little so we went to the park. Naj attracted many flies due to her smoking (we assumed), and there were many squirrels around.

Me: I think my trousers are too low, my arse might be hanging out.
Ben: A squirrel might try to get in them.
Me: It’ll find no nuts in there.

I dunno.

Me: Margaret Thatcher's a fucking bitch.
Gav: She’s from Grantham, show some respect.
Me: Margaret Thatcher's a fucking whore.

Oh how I look forward to moving up there…

I was with Gav yesterday, we went to IMAX to watch Speed Racer We had some time to kill before the film started so we went to Zavvi, where we took this picture!



Yes, it's awesome, I know. Though he's missing an arm, which is why I was standing where I am. We went Nandos for lunch, and just to prove I do actually eat, Gav took this picture of me:



And I finished all that off I feel very piggy all of a sudden.

Anyway, Speed Racer was awesome. But I'm easily impressed with bold colours, fast cars, and action. I didn't grow up on the cartoons so I wouldn’t know how accurate the film is, or if it's only just loosely based on the cartoons. If you can't stand kids films though, don't watch it. Gav hated the brat and his monkey, because they were just pointless. I see his point, but they didn't really irk me.

I have a big week (and a half) ahead of me again. I have another exam on Friday, and I'm going around Ben’s to revise for that three days, and I have to see Gav, and Sina, and sit the exam, and then revise for the next and final exam on Wednesday! Big week and a half. I can't believe I will have finished Uni in a week and a half. I'm really nervous about graduating, and whether or not I’ll pass well enough to actually be able to graduate. It's best not to think about it until after the exams. I'm pretty glad I'm jetting off to Egypt not long after I finish my exams, it'll keep my mind off it. And at least I would have had a good summer even if I do fail

I had a fun conversation with Gav yesterday...

Gav: Look at her taste in guys.
Me: It's not just guys.
Gav: Look at her taste in clothes.
Me: It's not just clothes.
Gav: OK, look at her taste.
Me: What taste?
Gav: OK, look at her.
Me: I'd rather not.

Anyway, that’s enough rambling from me. I’ll probably blog in another month or something.

Mena

Hi Baby

I'm sorry for not realising that you blew me a kiss on the phone earlier .

It was entirely my fault , and I will pay more attention to you next time .

I love you lots and lots like jelly tots xxx xxx xxx xxx

P.S. Have you noticed my sad faces ?

I shan’t go into detail, but I saw Gav today. And we had “fun”. 3 times. Once whilst watching Finding Nemo. Which was a little disturbing, I agree (if that’s what you were thinking). That’s all I’m saying about that.

I don’t really have much to say from the off, though I will probably end up ranting about something or other. Uni deadlines are coming up very soon, and I’m not doing very well in keeping up. I’m sure I’ll be alright though, I always am.

I had an interview for a teaching assistant job two weeks ago, which I think went quite well. They called me last week to check references, which is a good sign. They wouldn’t be checking if they didn’t think I was appropriate for the job, right? At least that’s what I keep telling myself. I need some money for this damned Egypt trip! I’m actually starting to get pretty excited about it. I was talking to Gav about it last night, and how it’d be awesome if he could come, but he can’t.

Things with Gav have been pretty great recently. We had a few arguments some weeks back, or maybe it was in January, but they were nothing major. Except when we almost had it out on the DLR. Seriously, I wanted to hit him and storm off, but I was very aware of the amount of people that were already staring at us as we whispered an argument and didn’t really want to cause a massive scene.

I’ve been seeing a lot of my school friends. We’ve met up twice this month, and seeing as the only people I see socially these days are Gav and Sina, I’d say things look good. We may be meeting again for a little piss-up this week, as we decided to make meeting a weekly thing but I’m not sure what’s going on with that yet.

Lately I’ve been thinking about who my real friends are. The thing with me is that a person usually means more to me than I do to them. So it’s only one friend that I have a slight problem with at the moment. I met Naj at uni, and for the first two years we were really close, we’d meet up for the hell of it and just hang out. This year when we started uni, it was as though she had had enough of me, and replaced me. There’s this girl Moni, who I’ve never really got close to. For some reason whenever I’m with her it just gets very awkward. Anyway, Naj spends a lot of time with Moni and all of her friends these days. Uni started on October, and we’ve only had lunch together after our lesson together once. Maybe it’s because of this that I’ve gotten pretty close to Ben, whom I also met at uni (the first day actually). I’d say I’m as close to him as he is to me, because where I would’ve spent time with Naj I’ve spent it with Ben. The usual checking how each other is, their whereabouts, being together in lessons. Most people at uni think we’re dating, but it doesn’t bother me. Thinking about it now, I’m grateful for people like he and Sina in my life (even after all the shit I went through with Sina) as well as Kay and Hayli, who I hope I keep seeing more of, There are the odd people online, but my inconsistency means that I may get really close to someone, but if they don’t try to keep in contact with me, it’s unlikely we’ll be that close again.

Oh, just to mention briefly, I made a little “comeback” to AWFF, following a conversation with Darryl about inactivity. Let’s see if I can help his cause.

Anyway, enough rambling from me, I’ve decided I have nothing left to say

Mena

So, it’s been a while.

First things first though: shameless plug. Gav’s finally got his new album out. A free download link for The First Shot Always Hurts The Most can be found here. So go download it and tell all your friends about it.

Now back to me, seeing as it’s been ages since I wrote about myself, or about anything of substance. To get all the generic stuff out of the way; I’m fine, Uni’s going pretty good, my friends are awesome and I love them all, I have a stalker, I’ve been getting along with my family, and I may be going to Egypt on holiday for summer as an after exam celebration shenanigan.

For the most part I have been alright minus a few downers and spats. I never used to feel lonely when I was alone but I’ve found that’s no longer the case. It seems I needed something to distract me to keep my mind off the fact that there was no one around that I wanted to speak to, or could speak to. You know, it sucks when you get really close to someone and spend hours talking to them one night, but then you don’t say a word to each other for weeks, despite seeing them around. I know it wouldn’t be hard for me to strike up a conversation, but it’s never been that way. I can’t remember the last time I started a conversation with someone on MSN. It’s always been that way since I decided to change and no longer be a pushover. I was always around to listen to peoples’ problems and chase after them. It seemed I was the one putting in all the effort in a friendship, which made me wonder if it really was a friendship. Of course I’m still around to listen to everyone, even him. I know he doesn’t deserve it after everything that happened between us, but that’s just something I can’t change about myself. When I said “Bollocks to you” I was surprised to find that most people found this endearing, to an extent. I saw people making an effort with me, trying to get to know me. It was strange.

Anyway, I digress. I haven’t been feeling as lonely lately because there’s always something to do, or someone to talk to. Or several people, depending on my mood. I’ve been spending time with my uni friends when I can. It also helps that I’ve started talking to Sina again. I kinda cut her out of my life back in like November. She was being self involved, only getting in contact when she wanted something from me, or to complain about what’s going on with her, without asking about me. I said I was always around to listen to people no matter how I feel about them but with Sina it was meant to be different. She was the one person I expected to do the same in return. So anyway, I don’t make any contact with her for about a month and a half, and then I get a letter for her. I ask her what she’s playing at still getting her mail sent to me, she calls me to ask about it, and I flip out.

”Is this all you’re interested in? You haven’t even asked me how I am, you haven’t called in ages, but as soon as you have a letter you’re suddenly my best friend again. What the hell do you think you’re playing at?”

She said she was a coward, thought I didn’t want to hear from her, didn’t want to get yelled at. We managed to sort things out to an extent. I haven’t called her; she’s been calling me a couple of times a day. We met up last week and had some lunch, she even bought me a late Christmas present. She hasn’t been as self involved, and neither has Gav recently.

Before I started talking to Sina I tried telling him about how down I felt just in general but it seemed every time I started talking about it he’d change the subject to moan about himself and work, so I gave up trying and let him just ramble about whatever he wanted. He felt bad when I made him aware of it, but it was too late to talk about what was going on.

Onto Uni! I got an amazing mark for my macroeconomics essay. 75 marks out of 100 (anything above 70 is a first), which is awesome. I got higher marks than my friends, which is strange as I’m the dumbest of them all XD I didn’t do too great in my Money & Banking essay, but I did a little better for my Financial Markets and Institutions course. A pass is a pass, I can’t complain. I did pretty well in my dissertation research report and my Economics of International Development and Finance essay. I’m actually keeping up with Uni this year, surprisingly.

Now, following my summery, I should talk about my stalker. So I used to live next to and play with this guy when we were kids. After we moved we didn’t see each other, but then he finds me on facebook and we’re all “Howdy neighbour!”. We meet up, catch up, and have lunch. I thought it was alright but apparently he thought it was amazing. We meet up again; I stop enjoying his company (he’s mind numbingly boring, I have more fun on my own doing nothing) but he still thinks it’s amazing because he keeps wanting to meet up. On the train he tries to hold my hand, despite knowing I have a boyfriend. I met up with him not long ago and watched Beowulf (not too shabby, btw). We were initially gonna meet on Thursday after Uni, but I came up with an excuse then replaced it with the Tuesday we watched the film. That evening he asked if we wanted to meet on Thursday as well. I got the impression he fancied me, and when I cancelled the Thursday, he replaced it with the Monday without asking me. I didn’t turn up, he tried talking to me, and I wasn’t all that talkative. I know it’s mean, but I don’t really want to spend any time with him. He somehow found out my real name as well, but I didn’t ask how. It’s pretty well hidden so I doubt he just stumbled upon it. More on that as and when, I guess.

Last but not least, Egypt. My cousin contacted me last week asking if I wanted to go Egypt with her and some of her friends. I told her I was interested but wasn’t sure if my parents would agree, they don’t like me going out and stuff. I figured I had nothing to lose so I asked them. They said yes! I guess it’s because I’d be going with trusted well thought of family. Dad even said he’d put some money towards it for me. So I’ve been talking to my cousins quite a bit the last few days, doing the planning and everything for it. I’m looking forward to it, but I need to save up loads for it. £400 for a ticket, and spending money there, not to mention stuff I’d have to buy to wear there. I desperately need a job

Anyway, that holiday is subject to me getting all my uni work and exams out of the way, so I need to now do some work! No guarantees that I’ll update anytime soon, seeing as it’s taken ages to write this. Hurrah for procrastination

Mena

So, I suddenly became stupid and decided not to pay attention when I was using the fryer. I got a whole load of hot oil spilt over my left hand

This was on Friday:


Saturday:


Sunday:


And now:


(Click "reply" to see the whole image)

That lasted...didn't it?

I'd hate to say I told you so, alright?!

Will the drama ever stop?

Slow as I am, it took me a while to realise this.

You find the blog, and you show it to them. You know how old it is, he knows how old it is, but she doesn't. You all have a problem with me for it. That's all fine and dandy.

When I mention to her that it's old, just to be sure we're talking about the right blog, she deems the argument redundant because of its age. And for some reason, even though you've known from the start of its age, you no longer have a problem with it either. The only conclusion I've come to is that you can't handle yourself without Mother holding your hand (as evidenced by the fact that you stormed out when I made a more than reasonable suggestion). Poor baby, I can't imagine how pathetic life must be for you =(

I leave you with this:

[1] There's a difference between expressing yourself and being a bitch.
[Me] There is, you should apply that to yourself
[1] Eh, screw this all. Say what you want about me 'avoiding confrontation', I don't care. Fuck you, fuck [him], and fuck ever talking to you again. I'm sure I'll live. My last words on this whole thing. Tell [him] as well if you like, I'm sure you will anyway. Bye.
[1] has left the conversation.
[2] ..?
[2] *sighs*
[3] Well then. Way to drop it.
[2] I told him to be nice.
[2] >_>
[3] He'll do what he will regardless.
[Me] did I say anything that was too out of line?
[3] Whatever, won't apologize for him.
[2] Not really.
[3] No, he's just an emotional guy

I almost pissed myself laughing at that last line.

I can't believe I actually final solutioned. God, I feel so filthy.

I am feeling quite pleased with myself ^_^ Ahw, I was so looking forward to being fwends

I'm annoyed with a few people, so I decided to write extracts of what's going on with them from their own point of view, and mock them. It may be amusing, let me know.

I'll look down my nose at you, because I'm so badass and hardcore. Yeah, I don't give a shit about anything, do what you want. Crap, did I just ruin things in my relationship? Oh, no I didn't, that's great. Yeah, I'm in a relationship, isn't that awesome. How'd we meet? …Over the internet actually, but it's totally deep and meaningful, yeah. Well… she lives on the other side of the pond, but that doesn't really matter, we connect, you know? I think she's blonde… Uh, I haven't seen a picture you see, nor spoken to her. But she's just got to be hot, right? Nah, I don't think I was too rash getting into it, I know her, dude. She's two years older than me, I bet you think that's hot, if nothing else. Yeah, an experienced woman, I haven't got any time for girls. Actually, she's got two kids as well. Yeah, she never talks about them. I was saying the other day that I thought that was a little strange; I didn’t think she actually had kids. But now that's different, we're together so I believe her. I wonder how they'll take to me… haven't I mentioned, I'm going over there soon! We're gonna have so much fun, maybe I'll get to bone her. Wait, I don't know what she looks like. Who am I meant to be looking for when I arrive at the airport? Fuck, I did not just dish out for a non-refundable ticket to England for no reason, she might not even turn up! Wtf am I meant to do now, ffs.
____

Haha, it's working. I can't believe it's working! This is great; I love playing everyone for a fool. I get some comforting as well; it's so easy to be someone other than myself. My dingy little flat provides no entertainment for me, but my pc is amazing. I could kiss whoever invented IRC! Man, these people are gullible. How many years has it been, and I've not even have to dig up some picture of a girl to show them. Let's spice things up… maybe I should say I'm having another kid? Nah, I'd have to stay offline for a while for that to be plausible. I know; I'll start an e-relationship. Yeah, that's a great idea, it'd be so much fun! He's an unsuspecting victim, bit of flirting will do… hook, line, and sinker. Crap, he wants to meet. I know, I'll tell him he can visit in a few months, I might get bored of him by then and then I'll just cancel. Yeah, that'll work. Lol, this is exactly how it happened with Claire; I can’t believe these people are so blind. I love it. What’s the time? Yeah, I should go for a while, pretend to feed the kids or something. I should probably bathe; it's been a while. Is that someone questioning me? No, we can't have that, I'll just do something to annoy her, I have these people wrapped around my little finger so they'll stick up for me. That's sexy.
___

Wtf? No, he's picking on me, he can't do that, I want that point! Yeah, you're such an arse; I wasn't even late by that much. And where is that two-point rule? You haven’t given me a valid reason to not impose one; I'll keep asking for it until you impose a two-point rule, don't you make me throw a tantrum, you're still an arse. I'm gonna go and complain to people about it, but don’t think this is over yet, I'll be back with the same argument. I could do with a wank, I need a girl in my bed pretending to be asleep, it's the only way to do it. Oh, there's always her, she doesn’t need to be physically present, it'll do. "Hey hun!"… Hey, I'm over here. Why aren't you paying attention to me? Hang on, what's going on between you and him? No, that used to be me, that's not fair, stop it, I want some attention. You're not interested in me anymore or something? Well I don't care, I was only joking anyway. Yeah, I can take a joke... Look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, let's go back to being friends, yeah? Maybe even a little more than that? What d'ya mean you don't want that? I do! That’s not on. HEY! Where the hell is that two-point rule? Should I fucking correct you in bold again, you bitch?

I am feeling so fucking left out

I opened an essay I wrote some time ago to revise from, only to discover it was partially saved, which led me to believe I only submitted half of this essay to my lecturer. Turns out it was saved on my memory stick, because I finished the essay off in Uni. Enough procrastination, back to revision as soon as my heart slows down a little...

I always seem to blog when I'm in a bad mood o.0

Anyway, I'll give you all some good news. Good news for me, that is: I'm fairly sure I've passed QT overall. 96% on the first test worth 20% of my final mark, a piss easy coursework, and second test worth another 20% of my grade, which I'm fairly sure I aced. How can I cock up probability, eh?

I saw Sina briefly today to lend her my sari. So I tell her to meet me at 8:30am outside the station, and she comes strolling along at 8:55am, knowing full well that I have a lecture at 9, and a test. On top of that, I spilt coffee on myself cos I was rushing to the lecture. My fault, but I'm blaming her cos it makes me feel good about myself. I also sent her a rather nasty text saying "I hope you're fucking happy, that's the last time I go out of my way to help you." I feel bad about it, but meh. I think I'm entitled to snap at her. She might be able to take her education for granted seeing as it's only the first year for her, but I can't afford to do that. Especially not now.

Enough of that though. Uni was rather boring after the test. Yes, the test was fun.

Things with Gav...improving. We had a fair few big arguments over the last fortnight, but things are better now.

I think that's it for my rather impromptu blog. Till next time, whenever that is.

Mena

I wish things were different. I'm growing tired of this already.

I told myself I wouldn't get pissed off about it, but I have ¬_¬

I got this idea from a few bulletins: un-addressed letters.

 

      1)      I can’t stand you, and this is the only place you will be my number one for anything. You’ve just given me an apology for something you said a month ago, hoping that, now we’re talking, you can go back to meaning something to me. I don’t care if I suddenly mean something to you, or if I always had meant something to you and you made a mistake with what you said. You once called me ignorant, but now the tables have turned; you’re the ignorant one. How can you not be aware of the fact that I take the piss out of you with everyone I know, and they join in? Stop being under the impression that there is a friendship to be salvaged, there’s nothing to gain by making small talk with me. EDIT: quit apologizing.

 

2)      I’m not one for being mushy, so let’s get this done and over with. You mean everything to me and I realise I take things out on you more than I should, and I keep what I’m feeling, and why I’m feeling it from you sometimes. I hope you know that the majority of the time it’s not intentional, and if it is then it’s for my own reasons and peace of mind. I don’t like you knowing about the times I’m upset if you’ve not caused it, because I don’t want the burden of trying to make me feel better to fall on you. It’s not your responsibility, yet you still do everything you can to put a smile on my face, and you’ll never know how much I appreciate that. In short: I love you.

 

3)      In short: I love you too XD So you’ve put up with me for quite a few years, and by the way you talk about me to everyone, it seems you couldn’t be happier to, nor your family more accommodating. Well, maybe your dad could be a little more accommodating to everyone but my dad I’m glad you’ve stuck around, because I wouldn’t be the person I am now without a great friend like you. And it’s always nice to have someone clumsier and denser than me to hang out with. It upsets me to find out about all the crappy things that you have to go through because you don’t deserve it. I know I sometimes have a go at you, and expect too much of you, but after all the ranting and raving, I still want a hug from you and you give me one, no matter what the situation. Sometimes it’s even inappropriate o.0

 

4)      I don’t like you, and I never have. There’s always been something about you, and everyone I’ve talked to that knows you have said it. Maybe if I got to know you better things would’ve been different, but I’ve always thought of you as immature. It’s nice making fun of your situation; you’d be surprised by the amount of people willing to have a laugh about it.

 

5)      You’re actually pretty cool, and easy to talk to. I have to say I’m a little surprised by that, because I always saw you as being quite intimidating. It’s nice how open and willing to talk about personal issues you are. It’s refreshing.

 

6)      You and I are so alike, but it still surprises me how close we got in such a short amount of time. You’re great company, even though we probably don’t talk as much as we should. It’s nice to know that you’re always willing to put the effort in to stay in contact.

 

7)      I argue with you far too much about nothing at all, but it’s always fun. Never did I think I’d meet someone I can talk to about nothing at all as easily as I do with you. I sit and think about what we have in common and come up with very few things, yet it’s not a drawback at all. You’re a funny friend.

 

8)      You are always insulting me, yet we’re still friends, and you keep wanting to meet up with me. I get no cheese from you, except that one time I forced you to say it, but I like the way our relationship works, and it’s always cool hanging out with you on the rare occasion we meet up.

 

9)      Of all of my childhood friends, you’re the one I see the most, and am the closest to. To be honest, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Even though we met when we were 10, we never got close till we were about 14/15 because of some shit happening around us, but I’m glad it happened. We had the most in common out of all of them I guess. I know you’ve been through a lot of shit for the last two years; it’s hard to believe it’s been that long, but you thanked me for being there to listen to you through it, and I’ll always be here to listen to you.

 

10)  From the bottom of my heart, I hate you.

 

11)  We’re not on contact anymore, for whatever reason, and I don’t know how to feel about that. You were always on and off with pretty much everyone, and you really were hard to keep up with. I don’t know how I’d feel if you contacted me, but I know it won’t come to that. I’ve moved on, and you’re too stubborn.

 

12)  For the life of me, I can’t figure out why we don’t see each other anymore, considering how close we live to one another. I don’t know when the change took place, but you’re not the person I went to school with all those years. I think in our 4 years apart, I’ve outgrown you.

 

13)  I see you around sometimes, but I’ve not spoken to you for months. It never gets further than a “Hi, how are you?” but I can’t complain. You provided some decent conversation 5 years ago, so I guess you’re all maxed out now.

 

14)  I can’t believe I’ve not seen you since the summer! I love how we work; if we don’t keep in contact there’s no bitterness there at all, and when we do call or text each other, we continue as if everything is normal and just have a conversation. I love that about us.

 

15)  I don’t know what happened to you. You were always nice to me; I was always nice to you. We had some fun conversations and then you just stopped coming online, stopped emailing me. I would’ve liked to meet you at some point, but I hope you’re alright, and that you’re making some progression with your music.

 

16)  You are far too cool for us to have not met when we go to the same Uni! We don’t talk very often, but it’s always great hearing from you. I hope that we can meet someday, it just has to happen. You’re a cool lady, and we’ve always got on. Wouldn’t have it any other way ^_^

 

17)  I don’t get you. Srsly.

 

18)  I’m glad you don’t know, and will never find out.

 

19)  Grow up!

 

20)  How are you so funny and awesome? I love it; it’s a nice change from the kind of people I usually talk to. I enjoyed today.

 

21)  I love how random you are

 

Try to guess which one you are

Sina says:
I adore and cherish u to every little tiny bitch particle
myscreennameis:this says:
all of it?
Sina says:
yupz
myscreennameis:this says:
me too
even your vanity
Sina says:
oh that makes me feel so special

Good times.


Wait, that was only 5 minutes ago.